Holding On To A Deep Dark Secret Inside

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
Wanting to tell someone is just that….
I don’t know who to trust anymore.
My family so nice and kind 
I never meant break everything down.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
I’m just going to write the truth about it all.
I have a piece of my life stolen from me now.
Just when I thought I could trust family again
My trust disappeared with a snap of a finger.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
New family new brothers knew everything
Maybe it’s time to start trusting again.
Before I got the chance to trust to anyone 
My new brother did horrible a thing 
He made me change my mind about trust.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
He took my virginity from me at age fourteen.
He made me scared of men.
He made me not want to look at men 
The way I should have been for truth.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside 
I was scared to scream out loud.
Him holding me down 
I knew what is going to happen next.
If I scream would he hit me?
What do I do now?
I asked myself many times before.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside 
He was younger than me and yet 
I was venerable against his strength  
Why me? Why now? How can it be?
For a moment I thought it might of 
Been a nightmare but no it wasn’t a dream.
Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
For years this was going on and not a word was said,
A baby was made of cruel mistake
How will I tell about this horrible thing?
Everyone wants to know who the father is.
Until the day has come for the final word to say….

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
I finally said what really did happen.
At first he denied it then police was involved
Finally the truth came out 
It felt good to tell the truth to get off my chest.
But I bigger things to worry about now

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
I had to make a choice depends on 
What’s best for the baby not me.
I had to put my child need before mine.
I gave the child away to a loving family.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
I could never trust him again.
I hated him.
Oh how many times have I cried?
Only if he knew what it’s like to be a victim
of something as cruel as this.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside 
It has changed my life.
It made me a really young mother for the first time.
It was never how I looked at my life 
It was never how I planned it to be for my child and me. 
My child was never a mistake
It just happened to be a bad situation here.

Holding on to a deep dark secret inside
How do you heal from something like this?
How do you forgive someone who took away
so much from you at such a young age?
You learn to forgive and let things go
You learned holding on to pain will only hurt me
So I don’t need to hold on to a deep dark secret anymore.